I saw a new doctor, today. Having moved, it was time to become established with a healthcare provider. She asked me all the usual questions, but when she came to my family history, and she asked me if I have any sisters, I answered that I have one living and one deceased. My sister, Maeve, died on January 18, 2010. And then, out of nowhere, I started to cry – I mean really cry, rocking in the chair, wanting to scream into my purse, cry. When the kind lady left the room to allow me to compose myself, I threw up in the little sink in the examining room, and I’m not sure if I was more embarrassed over crying or throwing up. I finally got it together, and the Nurse Practitioner returned, allowing me my dignity, and then continued her intake questions as I mopped my eyes with a tissue.
I rarely cry since 9/11. But today, for some unknown reason, it was like a dart to the heart, and I don’t know why. The photo below was taken on Maeve’s First Holy Communion. I am on the left, Maeve is in the middle, and my surviving sister, Lynnie, is on the right.
All I know is that I missed both my sisters very badly in those moments, today.
We have no idea what tomorrow will bring – so choosing happiness is essential. I sometimes have to remind myself of that. And, that life still holds its beautiful and crimson moments, especially in the autumn leaves that are falling in the shadows of late afternoon.